Ach-ewwww!

Posted on July 15, 2010

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Thank you, ozmoesis.com

I meant to say “ew”. I know there are highly inconvenient times in which our bodies, in particular our faces, convulse and our noses twitch and itch… and then, we get a look that we hope never, EVER ends up in a photo.

‘Course, none of our sneezes, otherwise known as sternutations, could possibly look this graceful (right). And nope, we don’t have a hanky available either. I mean look at her, she’s got her hair all finely coiffed and hanky prepared (guaranteed, this is actually from a commercial for Kleenex).

The worst part is, you can’t sneeze with your eyes open. Folklore says that if you do try to keep your eyes open during a sneeze, they’ll pop out. Unfortunately, I can’t find anything about the subject on www.snopes.com (you’re welcome) regarding sneezing and eyes popping out.

Clicky, clicky.

The most, potentially, dangerous time to test this theory is while driving. It never fails. I get in the car and I’ve already rolled down the windows, set up my iPod and I pull out into the alley…….. and generally something like to the left will happen to me. The squinty face. I’ll try to provoke the sneeze along, but nothing works. Then, when I least expect it, and I’m facing toward the sun. WHAMO! Not the toy company, the nearly mind-blowing experience of sneezing.

35-40 mph, 15-20 feet of spray, virginia.edu

I’ll let you all picture the “ew” of the “ACH-EW”. Let’s say you’re driving along, and you don’t have any handkerchiefs nearby; in fact, you’re not even thinking about needing such a thing. And you get one of those looks depicted to the left, but this one ends up resulting in something from Ghostbusters. How do you get rid of the sudden moment of bodily function surprise? Perhaps, in the case of driving, especially if you’re by yourself, and if you have the mindfulness, the sneeze’ll end up in the crook of your elbow (like my grandma taught me). At least then, it won’t get on anyone or anything else. If not, you’ll end up with something similar to this, to the right, on your windshield and your steering wheel.  Hopefully there’s some wipes nearby, and ventilation. Preferably a hepafilter if you put a pretty penny into your vehicle. Sickie.

The above and to the left, fantastically humorous picture (with the caption “clicky, click”) needs to be credited to www.sodahead.com. I hope you enjoy it just as much as I am.

Here’s a list of my favorite responses to sneezes: “Bless you” or “God bless you”; “Gezondheid” (Dutch for “good health”); “You’re so good looking!” (thank you Seinfeld). Interestingly, in China, Vietnam, and Japan, it is believe that if you sneeze, someone is talking about you. According to my ever-so reliable source, Wiki, one sneeze means someone has said something good about you, two means someone’s talkin’ smack, and three means someone is in love with you… or you’re catching a cold. Heck of a tell-tale sign.

What’s your favorite way of saying “I hope your brain didn’t fall out”?

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Posted in: Health, Surprises