I’m timid. That’s all there is to it. These posts are spontaneous therapy.
Most everyone who will read this who knows me personally will bluntly disregard the previous pair of sentences, incomplete as they may be. To my friends I’m wacky with an odd to dry sense of humor; I like this label, don’t let anyone tell you differently. To my family, I’m either courageous and talented, or both of those plus stagnant and/or impatient, at the moment. All of which is pretty well true.
I started crocheting recently. I taught myself how to crochet from Youtube videos. It keeps my hands occupied because I have a lot of n-n-n-n-n-nervous energy in them. Hence why I am always typing or texting. I’m a self-proclaimed nerd (not in a negative, self-deprecating way) and I’d lose my marbles if I didn’t have my techy things. It’s productive and it gets Christmas presents made. Crocheting is a nice diversion – from everything.
Oh oh! A patient at the office purchased a pair of fingerless gloves from me today! I’m so completely thrilled! (If you want some let me know. I use a couple dollars to purchase a skein of yarn to make baby hats which I’ll donate.)
Productive as Christmas may be this year, I’m stuck. My feet are water-logged. All through elementary school, middle school, high school, and a solid 3 or 4 years of college, I stepped into projects, assignments, and the like feet first. Very few of them did I dive in head first. Do I regret occasionally swan-diving into a pool of productivity? Nope, not at all. In fact, I wish I had done it more often. I can trace my hesitation back to elementary school, but some call that making excuses.
I’m wading in the kiddie pool. The GRE is in the deep end and I’m blowing bubbles. Also in the deep end is a Master’s degree in something that could very likely take me where I… may… want to go. It sounds grand; however, I haven’t gotten off the block. Photography school was at 5 feet. I hurt my head pretty bad with that one. I was aiming at something else in the 10 foot level. But why do I have to dive in? Why can’t I go fishing?